Warning: What I am about to say may cause adverse reactions included but not limited to: whining, pouting, bouts of boredom, intense cravings and anger.

One of the biggest reasons why I have time on my hands for extra-curricular activities is, I don’t have a television. Well, I have one, but it was under my bed until Mr. Denizen and I made the XBOX-Magenta Table Treaty and now it’s in (his tiny corner of) the office. We haven’t subscribed to any television services for about 5 years now. That’s not to say that I don’t watch any TV or movies. I have a few shows, and by a few I mean 4, that I watch online. Considering that these shows only come on once a week and when watching them on Hulu they are nearly commercial free, then I am watching less that four hours of TV a week. When my shows are off season I watch movies or read.

Everyone needs down time. There are nights when all I want to do is relax with Mr. Denizen, shove popcorn in my face, and be entertained, but I have become very selective in what I watch. The decision to stop watching TV was only partially based on increasing my productivity. Over the course of our almost 9 year marriage Mr. Denizen and I have started watching several television series only to become disappointed a few seasons in when they turn to smut. I’m offended that producers assume I’m that easily entertained; that deranged criminal activity (CSI, honestly, I think these shows give people ideas), sexually promiscuous employees (House, and many others) or strategically edited to be dramatic vocal competitions (American Idol) is all I need to keep watching. I said I want to zone out and be entertained, but my brain still wants to be challenged. This is why we started reading books out loud to each other to relax and be entertained. Don’t get me wrong, there are still plenty of smutty and/or brain anesthetizing books out there, but if we choose wisely, we can relax and not feel brain dead at the same time.

It’s a hard change to make. Some of us have very fond family memories centered around the TV. Most of us have even centered our furniture around a TV or have one in almost every room of the house.  It may even feel like you’re getting rid of a convenience as quintessential as the toilet, but you will find that the increase in the amount of time you have on your hands to get more fulfilling things done will comfort and encourage you.  And don’t worry, your laid-off TV, although it may look menacing, will not threaten you when exiting the premises.

I love Chinese and Thai food.  The simpler and more authentic the better.  I feel that way about Mexican too.  I want to eat what Chinese people eat on a daily basis (sans the pig heads and fish eyes).  I don’t like restaurant food that leaves you feeling dirty inside and sends you prematurely to the bathroom.

I cook, correction TRY to cook, two cups of fried rice in this:

Yes it’s as tiny as it look.  Yes, it’s as messy as it sounds.  I don’t dare try to toss it like a real chef would.  I’ve been wanting a REAL wok for a long time.  Well, the DI Gods must have heard my petition because  they granted me the find of the month via the Provo DI.

When I spotted it I thought, could it be possible that there’s actually a wok in that box?

Aaaaaaaahhhh!  That’s the sound of glorious beams from Heaven.

My first thought was that it looked pretty hammered and some steel wool would clean it right up, but a little voice told me to Google it before I tried anything.  It was the DI Gods looking out for me, because this is what I learned:

“Avoid soap and scouring as these will remove the hard-earned seasoning.  A well-seasoned wok is worth its weight in gold. Not only will food not stick to its blackened surface, flavors are greatly enhanced.” chinesefood-recipes.com

“Stir-frying is perhaps the single most important function for which the wok is best suited. The wide wok spatula has a rounded edge that fits the rounded contours of the wok, making it a breeze to toss and move about all the particles of food being cooked in it. When the stir-fry is complete, the spatula easily dishes out all the pieces of food from the wok surface, including tiny pieces of chopped garlic. Without any food particles remaining in the wok, it becomes unnecessary to wash the wok before proceeding with the next stir-fry, thereby saving precious time in cleaning, drying and reheating the wok.  With a flat bottom wok, the introduction of a slight angle where its bottom flattens out makes tossing with the wok spatula a bit more challenging and less fun, and often, food is less evenly cooked.” thaifoodandtravel.com

Imagine the sneaky smile on my face after reading this and  realizing what I had bought for only 5 dollars.

(courtesy of)

A well seasoned, round bottom wok with stand, spatula, ladle and other things that I’m sure I should also be stoked about!  I am a happy sponge.

Now…I need recipes!  If you have some good, AUTHENTIC Chinese or Thai recipes, please send them to me!  And I will record myself trying to toss like a real Asian cook.  It should be awkwardly entertaining.

Picture in your mind the scene from Cinderella where the step-sisters are trying to make that weensy shoe fit their (probably normal sized) feet. One of them shouts, “I’ll make it fit!” and, with concentrated effort, tries to sardine her foot into the glass slipper. This is how I feel when trying on shoes at thrift stores. It never fails that the cutest shoes are almost never the right size. Of course I try them on anyway, and of course somebody is ALWAYS watching. I’m inappropriately bent over, one hand clutching the shopping cart for balance and one pant leg rolled up as I take aim. Then I’m trying not to shout expletives because my foot ricocheted off whatever tiny shoe I tried to shove it in and I just twisted my ankle. Dejected, and feeling like the jolly green giant, I put the shoes back, secretly hoping any onlookers think it was because they were too big.

It goes both ways. Just a few days ago I bought an amazing pair of red heels (I have been looking for some for a while) that were about half a size too big. “I’ll just curl my toes up when I walk,” I say with optimism, but my feet strongly disagree. After about two hours of clomping around like a teenager on prom night, I realize that band-aids on the backs of my heels just won’t cut it. I’m going to have to get some shoe inserts or something.

I have met people who give me the “your feet are your foundation and improper support can lead to all kinds of health problems” lecture. They have ugly shoes. They are also the kind of people that don’t feed their kids refined sugar or let them watch TV, and as a result, are very well behaved kids. But they are also the kind of people that have ugly shoes.

I say, my boobs are gone, I started going gray at 23 and I don’t (by personal choice of modesty) wear short skirts although they would certainly balance out my cankels. I haven’t much to cling to at this point, therefore, I am going to wear sexy shoes! When I’m 50 I will stop dying my hair and get some orthopedics. But until then… “I’LL MAKE IT FIT!”

I very much wanted to embed this video, but it won’t let me.  You have to watch it!